My Mom didn't allow use of the word "Hate" in her house

My Mom didn't allow use of the word "Hate" in her house.

My mom has always been "big on words."

She is a "say what you mean and mean what you say" type of person, which felt annoying as a kid, but I appreciate it so much as an adult.

"Think before you speak" was a daily mantra in our house.

My mom taught my sister and I that words paint the walls of people's hearts when you say them.

Now... I was a very visual child (and I'm an even more visual adult), so you could only imagine what that sentence did to my worldview.

What colors would the words you use, paint inside someone's heart?

I'm guessing "hate" would be like patting your hands in mud and just rubbing it all over the inside of someone's heart chamber. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, I can't even think about it.

The thing was, My mom didn't allow us to use the word hate for anything...

If I said, "I hate this book," she would look at me and say, "Could a book really deserve HATE? Do you know what hate is?"

But, the most beautiful thing she taught me about HATE was in reference to people.

My mom would always say, "You don't HATE that person, you dislike their ACTIONS."

Now, if you're still with me, this is how this brilliant woman painted my little heart chamber with yellow flowers.

If I was upset because of a person, she would make me list the ACTIONS to distinguish the differences between people and their actions.

This not only affected the way I view the world, but also the way I communicate with people and I want to share it with you...

Rather than, "I'm disappointed in you.."

Try, "I'm disappointed in your actions" or "I'm disappointed in what happened."

Rather than, "I dislike that person."

Try, "I don't like some of their actions."

Conversation Topics to have with kids this week:

1.) Do you know what HATE really means?

2.) I would like for us to stop using the word "HATE" in our family, even for "little" things. Would you help me?

3.) Do you know why we should talk about the actions people take that upset us, instead of saying that THE PERSON upsets us?


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